Loss of Friendship

The loss of friendship. I can’t put into words how much it hurts. I don’t think I ever truly experienced the true reality of losing a friend until I got to college. People have always told me that the friends I make in college will be lifelong friends, but they never explained how hard it would hurt to lose one. 

Being at Moody Bible Institute, I have the wonderful privilege of being surrounded by so many like-minded people that have the same passions and desires as I do. This was so refreshing coming from a public high school in the heart of Chicago. It came as a shock that we even prayed in class my first few months at Moody. I didn’t have that many close friends in high school so I was incredibly grateful when God placed such amazing people in my life afterward. Yet even as Christians, none of us are even close to perfect. 

I’ve come to discover that with the deepest of friendships comes the biggest heartbreaks. These past 3 years, I have lost some friends that meant the world to me at different points and despite my hard, relaxed, and easy-going exterior, it has truly hurt. Even though it was apparently nothing that I did wrong, I can’t help but wonder what I did to cause the loss and reflect on the faults of my personality. 

I had never experienced anything like this before so I think I wasn’t prepared for the types of emotions that came. At first, I shrugged it off and honestly didn’t think much of it. Then, there were sad moments of internal reflection and heartbreak wondering what kind of friend I actually am if things like this can happen. 

No wonder there are so many characters portrayed in TV and movies that are so closed off to the world because they’ve been so burned by people in their past. I was always confused at how someone can be so closed off to the world because I absolutely love being with people and making new friends. Now, I understand it a little bit more. 

Some days I feel more lonely than others, but I realize now that I feel this way because I place more of my worth and value in friendships and relationships rather than Jesus. I truly love being around and close with people, but no matter how good a friend is, humans will always let you down. I love the people in my life, but I’ve been learning that their relationship is no replacement for the security I can have in Christ. 

The beginning of quarantine back in April was one of the loneliest times in my life, but I had to be so separated from people to realize that Christ is always sufficient and enough for me. No matter what I’m feeling from one day to the next, Jesus will sustain me through it all. What a comforting reminder for me. 

As the school year is beginning, and I am feeling disconnected from the rest of Moody more than ever before due to the different regulations that we must follow, I am resting in the fact that Christ knows my every need, He knows what experiences I need, He knows what lessons I need to learn, but He will be with me through it all. His presence is more than I could ever need or ask for. 

With love,
Hannah